Dr. Phil....here we come!

I am not a very good mother.

 

Although I DO try....I really do. Seriously.

But the fact remains.....I will never win 'mother of the year'. Not even close.

In fact, I am sure that someday you will all watch my children appear on an episode of Dr. Phil....disclosing truths about me like how when they were babies, I'd give them a lemon to suck on.....just because it was funny to watch. Or maybe how I accidentally left one of them in a playland because I forgot that I had checked him in there......or how I one time popped my son in the mouth at tj maxx, causing a SEVERE nose bleed and then pretended( on my way out the door) the he had fallen down and bumped it so that nobody would call CPS on me. There was that time when I locked 2 of them in the running car (heat blasting) with a bag of popcorn (choking hazard...I know!) and had to call the fire department to get them out.

The list is long my friends......

.....and this past weekend was no exception. 

I allowed (or maybe encouraged) my boys (ages 10 and 5) to sign up to go pondskimming at schweitzer.  The videos above say it all. Keep in mind that this 'pond' has actual snow floating in it because it is so cold that it wont even melt....

Keep in mind also, that when you fall.... your skis/snowboard will likely still be attached to your feet which is (of course) not good for swimming.....

especially when you are 5......

and especially if you don't ski that well and still have to wear an 'edgie-wedgie' on the tips of your skis......

and especially if your mom (who can be seen at the edge of the pond in Kellen's video) does not jump in to help you out of the water because she doesn't want to ruin her Ugg boots.

I'm pretty sure people in the crowd were wondering what idiot parent would let their small child participate in an event like this. I'm pretty sure about this because I have wondered the same thing about myself after watching the videos.

Both boys, I am happy to report, survived this event with no permanent damage done. No head injury, no drowning, no frostbite or hypothermia......

See you in a few years Dr. Phil!!!!

I've become an adrenaline junkie....

My heart is pounding....palms sweaty.....breathing erratic.....

The moment of truth has arrived and the excitement is overwhelming!  I've been preparing all week for this and finally, here I stand. With glassy eyes and knees knocking nervously, I step forward......Its my turn.

"What is she about to do?" you might be wondering....."Skydive???? Run a marathon???? Bungee jump?"

No my friends.

It's none of these things.

What I'm about to do....

Is....

buy groceries.

Try not to be too disappointed. There is a bit more to the story than just that. Here is the reason...

The reason is......

I have become a crazy, obsessed, compulsive coupon clipping freak nerd.  

Yes...friends......I"m one of  'those' people.

The people who clog up the line at the grocery store because they have a coupon for every single item in their cart and then hassle with the checker over pennies. The people who have the annoyingly huge envelope packed with coupons who stop every few steps to sift through the hundreds of little scraps of paper in order to save 25 cents.

I have become one of them.

It is nearly as time consuming as my real job and so seriously fun that I can't even write about it without smiling.....

My family teases me. My kids harrass me. I have

 to carry an extra large purse to accomodate my giant coupon holder.....but ......I'm saving a butt-load of money and I get something for free almost every day. Let me repeat that, I get something for free almost EVERY DAY!

I have no shame.

Of course, couponing at this level comes with a bit of a learning curve and some embarassing moments......

It turns out that returning your large order of groceries and re-buying them in order to use a coupon is irritating to safeway cashiers.

It also turns out that trying to use a $1 coupon on a 97 cent bar of soap can cause a near riot situation at wal-mart.

Oh well.....I'm ok with it. I'm also pretty comfortable with knowing that nobody really wants to come to the store with me anymore.  Clearly they don't embrace the rush of adrenaline that comes with getting 25 bottles of free shampoo. (Yes, I really did do that!)

So, all I need now is a sweet pair of 'mom jeans', a sweatshirt with a kitty on it ,a nerdy haircut and a minivan....and I'll have captured the whole look. (see example below)

But of course, I can't get those things......

                               .......until I have

                                     .......a coupon to buy them with!

17 random things about me.....

I was recently 'tagged' on facebook to come up with 17 obscure facts about myself. For those of you who missed it.....here they are!

1. I spend a lot of time wondering what it would be like to have thighs that don't touch at the top.

2. I recently ran a half marathon and pretty much hated every moment of it.

3. I work the night shift.

4. I have to wear pajama bottoms when I sleep and a shirt that covers my shoulders...otherwise I have bad dreams or can't sleep.

5. Right now, my favorite treat is salted caramel hot chocolate from Starbucks.

6. Last month it was pumpkin pie blizzards from Dairy Queen.

7. #5 and #6 are the reason my thighs are fat.

8. In middle school, I had to wear a back brace....which probably impacted my self esteem but also gave me a flat stomach.

9. I love boots and flip-flops

10. I am learning to play the guitar and plan to force everyone at loon lake to listen to it around the campfire this coming summer.

11. I shattered my wrist last winter while trying to be a 'cool' mom and learn to snowboard. Turns out that riding down the mountain in the ski patrol sled is not 'cool' and actually embarrassing to your kids.

12. I am very scared of horses and flying on airplanes and heights.

13. I hardly ever pay full price for anything. I LOVE bargains! I think it annoys some people.

14. When people ask what my 'most embarrassing moment' is....it is very hard to pick just one.

15.I don't really like wine at all.

16. I LOVE guitar hero and dance dance revolution and am....hands down...the best in my family at both.

17. One of my favorite places in the world is Loon Lake.

 

Reality check

We were all snuggled up on the bed , having just finished reading a story when my tender-hearted , 5 year old  offered to give me a  back rub. I was most definitey enjoying the moment....even thinking I might doze off for a minute when suddenly.....SMACK!  He took that sweet little hand and slapped me right on my side where my.....ahem.....'muffin top' resides. 

"OUCH!" I said angrily...... "What was that for????" 

"I was giving you a spanking on your butt" he replied.

"Well....that's not my butt......its my side" I explained.

A few moments of silence followed and I began to settle back into my happy, sleepy state of mind only to have him break the silence with this.....

"Mommy....you might want to know this. Your "side" has a little bit of your butt on it!"

(Its a good thing he's so cute.....)