Aug 1, 2008

My (short lived) experience as a hedge trimmer


Sun is out....slight breeze....perfect day to surprise my husband by trimming up the bushes in the front yard. (yes I am an exceptionally nice wife). 

With love and dedication I begin the tedious process of shaping each little branch, twig, leaf.....they are breathtakingly beautiful as I create cute little squares and domes out of the uncontrollable growth. Mr. Miyagi (karate kid guy) himself could not have done a better job! Suddenly, somehow (I'm still unsure of the actual cause) the hedge hog mistakes my finger for a branch and in a moment, the entire experience is transformed into a horror movie. I run inside, hanging onto my blood-spurting finger, (which I am sure is only hanging by a thread) and wrap it in a towel. (Sidebar, Although I am a nurse by trade, when it comes to my own injuries or that of my kids, I suddenly become a crazed 3 year old child with zero tolerance for blood and an academy award winning display of drama). After a moment, I realize that the finger must still be attached because I can move it under the towel so I take off for the emergency room. The people there were not nearly as worried or worked up about the fate of my index finger as I was......
I tried to look as pasty white and pathetic as possible, in hopes that it would speed up the 4 hour wait that I figured I was facing. The guy next to me (mr. "short of breath, chest pain") was giving me a real run for my money. However, I must have done a stellar job of convincing the recptionist of my dire situation because soon I was in the back, getting a tetanus shot and hearing the fate of "Mr. Pointer". 
I had only nicked the tendon but severed the artery, hence the  river of blood coming from my wound....
So...they cleaned it out, put 5 stitches in it, and sent me on my way with a giant bandage and a prescription for pain meds (which I must admit...I have thoroughly enjoyed)!
The moral of the story is this.....hire out your yardwork....its cheaper than a visit to the ER.

6 comments:

akbyrd said...

That probably put Mr. Short of breath/chest pain into a real episode if you got sent back before him. Good moral to the story to get yard work hired out. I'll be sure to pass it along to Stephan. Have fun with those meds!

Laura said...

This was laugh-out-loud funny, Colleen. Mr. "Short of breath, chest pain..." what a whiner! Find a REAL emergency, would you? Can't you see I'm BLEEDING??

Heidi Ann said...

Oh Cricket!!! I can't believe it!???....I am so sorry for you, but the way you wrote this all up, it is so funny!!..So I am whincing & giggling all at the same time!...Take care & NO MORE YARDWORK for you! Love, Heidi

Joey_Veltkamp said...

i cut my finger doing my dishes once so i've quit doing those, too!

Kim said...

Did you finish the bushes out front? You are so lucky to have a short visit at the ER, I find when the kids' fingers are bleeding the speed is much faster at the ER!

chaff "4" said...

ouch. Thought I would see what is new on your blog. you need to be careful. Kim